The
Quest for the Truth
I grew
up in a small town in Himachal Pradesh in the foothills of the Himalayas.
My parents taught me from childhood to worship idols, go to the
temples, attend Hindu religious meetings and participate in Hindu
rituals. It was very natural for me to do these things because this
was the only faith I knew. I had never heard of any other belief
or teaching and had confidence in the idols my forefathers worshiped.
As I grew older and began digging deeper into the worship of these
idols, I had an intense desire to know the truth. I continued worshiping
and participating in all the rituals with much zeal and enthusiasm.
I desired not only to know more truth about the Hindu gods but also
a deep hunger burned inside of me to actually see them “face
to face.” This compelled me to find ways to reach up to God.
At the age of 10, my search started. I determined that I would not
stop seeking until I saw God. I started digging into the Hindu scriptures
and encouraged one of my school friends to join me in this quest
to know more truth. The Hindu scripture books were very big and
heavy compared to the small size of our bodies and hands. It took
much strength just to lift one book. As I flipped slowly through
each page, I began to feel a light of hope coming to my eyes and
believed that I would be able to see God.
Reading the religious scriptures became a part of my everyday routine.
It was like homework to me. My parents were very pleased to see
their boy taking so much interest in the family religion and studying
intently every day. This routine continued for many months. I finally
decided that in order to see God face to face, I had to fulfill
the scriptures. It is written that if a man will leave everything
and go to an isolated place and meditate for many years, God will
appear to him.
The temples are only there to meet a man’s common needs, but
if one desires to see more of God, he must make the sacrifice and
go to a lonely place to meditate for many years. I realized I must
sacrifice my parents, siblings, home, food, clothes, career, comfort
and all the desires of this world to show myself worthy to the gods.
As I went through the list of things to give up, I felt disturbed
and asked God, “Why do you require so much from someone who
wants to see you face to face?” and “Why do you live
in a lonely place to meet your devotees?”
I read histories of those who had supposedly seen God. It took them
a minimum of twelve years of denying their flesh while living in
the jungle before God appeared to them. According to the scriptures,
during their years of meditation termites, bugs, insects and moths
ate their bodies. But once God showed himself to them, their bodies
were resurrected and made complete again and they received supernatural
power.
I began to question if I wanted to sacrifice so much to see this
God face to face. Was the sacrifice worth the reward in the end?
Finally, one day my friend and I decided to leave everything behind
to go to the jungle for meditation. That morning I wrote a note
to my parents….
Dear Amma,
I have been thinking about God a lot these days. I desire to see
him face to face. In order to see him I must sacrifice everything
from this world. I am going to the jungle to meditate for 12 years.
Please don’t worry about me. Just remember I am with God.
Your son,
Dinesh
Then my friend and I picked up the heavy scriptures and marched
toward the jungle. As I was walking through the jungle, the excitement
to see God began to build. I felt that the 12 years would pass very
quickly. My heart was full of great hope, joy and confidence.
After walking many miles through tall trees and dark dense bushes,
we reached a familiar river named Tallon. I was happy to see so
much light in an open place. This river only has water during July
and August when the monsoon comes. It was May so the river was dry.
The stones of the river were sparkling with the early morning sunlight
as our small feet stepped on the river stones. We balanced the large
bags of the scripture on our shoulders. I felt as if I was dancing
from one stone to another. The joy of seeing God captured my heart
so much that I thought we must be the first ones to see him face
to face during this century.
After walking for half an hour, we decided to make our meditation
spot on the side of the riverbank. We looked for a big stone on
the riverbank so that when the monsoon came, the flood would not
touch us. We found two big stones side by side. Without delay, we
cleaned the rocks with our hands to prepare a place where we could
sit cross-legged. My heart was full of expectation, and joy was
glowing on my face.
I sat cross-legged on the stone with my arms resting on my knees
in the proper Hindu meditation position. Closing my eyes, I started
chanting words from the scriptures. The sun was shining on my face.
I felt that the words of my chanting were going into the atmosphere
with the hope that God was turning his ears toward us.
After a few hours of meditation, my enthusiasm and excitement decreased.
After a few more hours, my body began to ache. I was tired and hungry.
My stomach grumbled louder and louder. I refused to listen to it
and continued in the meditation. The afternoon droned on until the
sun was ready to say ‘goodnight’ for the day. As the
darkness approached, I became fearful. My hunger, tiredness and
fear grew in intensity. My body was waging war against my mind.
I reached the point where I had to make a decision before the darkness
became completely unbearable. I thought about my home, my family,
food and my bed. The decision to seek God became weaker and weaker.
Discouragement and fear had overshadowed my heart, and the hope
and excitement of the morning was gone. I started looking to my
friend and wondered if he were feeling the same way I was. I waited
with a hope that perhaps he would be the first to initiate our returning
home. However, my patience was running out, and finally, I decided
to speak up and determined we must set off for home before the darkness
and hunger became completely unbearable.
After this experience, I came to the conclusion that God was far
away and could only be found through a determined struggle, and
only those worthy enough could find him. Still, as I continued in
school, my search to know the truth continued. Going to the temple
and religious meetings continued to be a big part of my life, hoping
one day I would experience God in a new way.
At the age of 14, my thinking began to change.
While worshiping the idol of the monkey god, a large statue located
near my home, I noticed something for the first time. I watched
birds land on the idol and eat the food offered to it. I noticed
that the idol was covered with bird droppings. This confused me.
Why would a sovereign god be unable to keep himself clean from the
birds? Why would he allow the birds to take his offering? I realized
that the whole Hindu religion was based on worshiping statues and
idols, which have no life. This led me to doubt the existence of
God. I began to believe our faith was a waste of time worshiping
idols, which cannot give you hope or life. After this revelation,
I participated in family worship and went to the temple only to
please my parents and to be accepted by my friends and society.
Life in College
During my college years, things changed again. I met people who
were strong followers of communism. It didn’t take long for
me to join them. I participated actively in communist activities.
In my heart I felt very positive about communism. I continued faithfully
with the group for 4 years. Over time, I realized that the communist
philosophy required radical allegiance to the group.
After finishing college, I went to study Hotel Management in Jammu
and Kashmir, the adjoining state to Himachal Pradesh on the northern
border.
In September 1985, while in my first year of study, I was sitting
in a restaurant with some of my classmates. A tourist from New York
at the next table started a conversation with us. She was a strong
believer in Jesus Christ and as she spoke with us, she shared the
truth she knew. After being a communist for 4 years, I had little
interest in religion. I only showed interest in order to have a
conversation with her. I felt that ignoring her and her beliefs
would be disrespectful.
She stayed in our college town for approximately 10 days. During
that time, we met with her periodically. Because I showed the most
interest, she made an effort to share with me as much as she could.
On her way home to the USA, she mailed all of us a New Testament.
I never took the time to read it but kept it as a memento to remember
her visit.
About a year later, she showed up in the same restaurant where we
had met before. I was very surprised to see her again and made it
a point to visit with her. She continued to share the love of God
with me using the Bible. I had heard about Jesus as a small boy,
but I only saw it as a story. She pointed out many Scriptures to
me. Although I didn’t understand them all, some became very
meaningful. During the next week, she continued to share her God
with me. My interest to know Christ grew deeper. After a week, she
left for her home in the USA.
One year later, in 1987, I was surprised to see her coming to meet
me one day when school let out. As before, she shared different
Scriptures and stories with me. Through our discussions, I was beginning
to see the world from a Biblical perspective.
During the next week, I thought deeply about the things she had
been sharing with me over the last three years. I realized that
many of my questions had been answered. The doubts that I had carried
about God’s existence became very dim and started to fade
away.
The night before she left we had dinner together. I said goodbye
with the hope that we would one day meet again. That night as I
lay on my bed, I felt restless in my spirit. I couldn’t sleep
because I was thinking about the things she had shared with me.
I felt my inner man had been sleeping for many years and was now
beginning to wake up and stir inside of me. I decided to sit on
the balcony and wait for the sun to rise. Many questions and thoughts
began to strike deeply in my heart. I realize now that God was helping
me to find the answers that I was looking for.
I thought about growing up as a Hindu in Himachal Pradesh, the strongest
Hindu State of India. I thought about my opportunities to travel
to some of the most religious States, in India such as the neighboring
states of Punjab, the strongest Sikh State and Kashmir, the strongest
Muslim State. I asked myself…. How could I travel in these
places and meet so many people, but yet no one had the zeal and
love for their faith that they were compelled to share it with me?
This woman had so much zeal and love for her God that she never
thought about herself, and traveled so many miles to tell me about
Jesus.
I realized that the people I had been spending my life with couldn’t
care about my soul because they themselves were following a false
religion. I realized that the faith my forefathers believed was
based on fear and knowing Jesus and the Father is a faith full of
grace and love. This woman was a stranger, but because of God’s
love inside of her, she had fervor to come again and again and share
with me about her Jesus. My forefathers had gone generations and
generations following false gods and living in fear, but this lady
knew the truth of God and had a relationship with Him. Jesus and
his sacrifice for the world became Godlier to me than the Hindu
idols.
I began to think about who had provided for this lady’s needs
and given her the grace and protection to travel so far, so many
times just to share her faith with some college students. I had
never seen anyone in my community so devoted to their beliefs. It
became very clear that Jesus was there to meet her every need.
After all these questions and thoughts, my spirit seemed to speak
to me….”What are you going to do now? You were told
about the God of truth so many times, but you were very stubborn
and hardhearted.” I realized that Jesus is the Way, with Truth
and the Light. I knew that Jesus desired and cared for my soul.
That’s why he sent this woman to me when I had been seeking
to see Him ‘face to face’ since childhood. I wanted
to experience the care and love of God given through Jesus. I could
see now that Jesus had been calling me all these years, knocking
at the door of my heart. The truth I had been searching for since
my childhood was Jesus. I went to the jungle to meet with the Hindu
gods but lasted only 12 hours. Now, after 12 years, the real God
was faithful to show Himself to me through this tourist woman from
New York. My inner man suddenly woke up. I saw my need for Jesus.
Early in the morning at about five a.m., I went to the woman’s
hotel and knocked at her door. She was very surprised to see me.
I stood at the door, choking out the words, “I want to follow
this God that you have been sharing with me. Can you help me?”
She gently shared with me the salvation message and led me through
the sinner’s prayer. Within an hour, she left to catch her
flight. I was so relieved to share this moment with her before she
left.
It was Jesus I needed to see face to face all along. He came into
my heart, and the joy was unexplainable. It was a wonderful experience
to receive Christ and to begin to know Him as my personal savior.
God proved his faithfulness by answering all my questions. Now I
had something to live for and a God I could share my deepest thoughts
with. His unconditional and continuous presence in my life overwhelmed
me. My journey after the truth that began at the age of 10 had reached
its destination. After 12 years of searching, I had met the Creator
of Heaven and earth. I could sense His presence right in front of
me that we were looking at each other ‘face to face’.
After accepting Christ, I began to enjoy reading the Bible, attending
prayer meetings and having fellowship with the small number of believers
in my college town. I took every opportunity to grow and understand
the Lord’s goodness.
I thank the Lord for the sincerity and obedience of that sister
who shared so faithfully in spite of my cold response to her so
many times. Many times her persistence made me feel uncomfortable.
My pride and stubbornness kept me from accepting the truth that
I now see clearly. My long battles came to an end as the revelation
of Christ broke over me. It was evident that the Holy Spirit had
been working in spite of my resistance. This sister and I continued
to keep in touch through letters, and she encouraged me regularly.
One year later, in 1988, she returned to our college town again.
She came to encourage me and see how I was growing in the Lord.
After I accepted Jesus, my heart desired Him more and more. I had
touched the love of God and wanted more of it.
Call for the Ministry
In 1989, I finished my studies and left for Delhi to hunt for a
job in the hotel industry. It had always been my desire to have
a successful career. My parents wanted the same. We knew that there
was money and security in the hotel industry, and we were all waiting
for the day when I would be employed. I filled out many job applications.
While I was waiting for employment, God challenged me about my career
choice. I was somewhat afraid that I wasn’t strong enough
to face the temptations of the hotel industry. I desired to follow
the Lord and His Kingdom and began to lose all peace about joining
the hotel industry. I knew my parents would be very disappointed
in me. Still, it was clear that I was standing at a fork in the
road.
As I sought the Lord’s will, God showed me that following
Him and working to see His Kingdom established was my calling. I
realized it is much more rewarding to fulfill what God has called
you to do than what man has for you.
Shortly thereafter, a letter arrived with a good job offer. It was
a test of my calling, but I stood strong, knowing I had to follow
the Lord. In spite of my natural shyness, I knew in my heart that
God had called me to be His full-time servant.
I remember the first time I went to church and stood up to introduce
myself. My legs were shivering, my face was sweating, and my voice
quivered. I couldn’t see any quality in me that I could serve
the Lord with. I said to God, “You have chosen the wrong person.”
But I determined to serve Him to the best of my ability.
I prayed and sought the Lord; how could I start serving Him? I made
myself available in the church and shared with my Pastor that I
was willing to help in any area that was needed. I started serving
by dusting and lining up the chairs and setting up the church hall
before each service. After a few months, I was not only setting
up the church but also operating the sound system.
While volunteering in the church, I worked with a Christian brother
who had a small business. This allowed me to make a little money
and still have the freedom to be involved in prayer meetings and
other church activities during the week. This brother and his family
became very close to me and helped me to grow in God’s Word
as well.
After a year, I started working with a ministry that was conducting
short-term training seminars for pastors and leaders in North India.
Because of my hotel management background, I found it very easy
to organize these meetings.
In 1991 I went to Singapore for Bible School training. The Lord
taught me many things in the Bible School. When I returned, I started
working closely with the youth in the church and began to minister
to them.
In 1994, the Lord spoke to me about having a Hindi fellowship for
those who didn’t understand English. (Unfortunately, many
churches in India use only English.) I shared this burden with my
Pastor. With the burden growing, we started a meeting in Hindi.
The Hindi speakers’ growth in the Lord began to increase.
As I was teaching and ministering to this group, I was gradually
becoming their Pastor. A year later, I was ordained to pastor this
Hindi congregation. I enjoyed every minute with this fellowship.
Many came forward to share in the responsibilities in the church.
Vision for Himachal Pradesh, my Home State
In 1996, the Lord brought Rachel into my life. As we sought the
Lord and the counsel of our Pastors and parents, we knew in our
heart that we were to serve the Lord together. On April 5, 1997,
we were married.
Together we started seeking the Lord’s direction for our lives.
In June 1997, the Lord began to speak to me about going back to
Himachal Pradesh to preach the message of salvation. As we continued
to pray, the burden for my state increased. By the end of the year,
it was clear that we were to start working in Himachal, but we had
no idea how to do it. The Lord told us to pray and He would lead
us. He clearly spoke to me that if I take the first step of faith,
He will direct my next steps.
We mobilized many prayer journeys there in 1998. As we sought God’s
direction through prayer, the Lord directed us to resign as the
National Director for the ministry I had worked with for eight years
and the church I was pastoring in Delhi. Both of these were very
difficult decisions to make, but I knew that I must go back to Himachal
and reach my own people.
In July 1998, I handed over all ministry responsibilities and we
moved to Shimla, the capital city of Himachal Pradesh. In the midst
of the transition, we continued to pray and bring prayer teams every
month. The Lord continued to confirm our calling for Himachal. During
this time, we traveled to many towns and villages to pray. The Lord
brought many people across our path and made it clear to me the
need to train up indigenous workers to reach the harvest in Himachal.
I realized the reason that I came back to Himachal was not only
to reach my people group but also to disciple and train up local
leaders from within Himachal and as a team, reach out to the people
of the most unreached State in India.
By January 1999, we were already supporting three brothers and their
families full-time in the interior areas of Himachal Pradesh. Since
then we have trained and sent out over 20 workers. As of January
2002, God has enabled us to give financial support and spiritual
covering to 15 church pastors who have planted 9 active fellowships
in Himachal and ministering in 24 different villages. We have also
hosted and conducted 12 Leadership training Seminars in Himachal
for Pastors and potential church leaders.
Throughout my life, the Lord has worked in miraculous ways to bring
me closer to Him. He enabled me to experience Him and to have the
“Face-to-Face” encounter with Him that I had been searching
for since my childhood. Jesus is the One that receives all the credit
for the miracles that took place in my life. I give all Glory and
Honor to Him.
